We wrapped up our ministry in Thailand this week. Now we’re in the debrief phrase but it’s so insane that we’ve finished ministry for the summer. It feels like it’s flown by and was years long all at the same time. I’ve fallen in love with so many things about this life. Mostly the people… everyone from my ministry and from my squad. The Lord is so so good in the people He has surrounded me with this summer.
We were working with a ministry called Mosaic and everyone there was just so special to me. From the employees to the women I taught guitar to the ladies at church to the people we met at an anti trafficking conference, my heart has been touched in so many ways by these people. It made saying goodbye the worst ever.
Getting the opportunity to meet Percy was also such a blessing. I learned so much about myself and the Lord through getting to know him. He has had the most crazy life you can imagine. He’s also had a lot of hurt. Walking through his stories and beliefs and sharing Jesus was such an interesting perspective and the best start to my day every morning. The second to last day me and Quin gave Percy a Bible, a letter from each of us and a Timothy Keller book called The Reason for God. The last day he didn’t show up. But I know the Lord was pursuing his heart this summer through us and that so many seeds were planted. It can be hard when we don’t get to see the fruit but I know that the Lord has had such a special life for Percy and I will keeping praying so hard that the Lord gets ahold of his heart so I can see him again one day in heaven!
Obviously I want Percy to meet Jesus for many reasons but the attribute of Jesus that’s been most heavy on my heart recently is gentleness. The Lord is just so gentle with us. Part of our ministry was working an identity workshop. Getting to share my story with the strong women of Changi Mai was overwhelmingly tender. At the end we opened it up to questions and it was just as sweet to dive into the hard questions with them. One question was about hearing the voice of the Lord. I was reminded of 1 Kings 19 where the Lord is speaking to Elijah and his voice isn’t in the wind or the earthquake or the fire, but in the gentle whisper. In the New Testament, the only place in scripture that describes the heart of Jesus is Matthew 11:29 where it says He is gentle and lowly in heart. The heart of the Lord is so gentle. He deals with us so gently.
He wants gentle healing for all of us. He’s saying to each of us “I’m taking you from the deepest recesses of your pain and your hurt into the deepest recesses of my love and my healing. From your broken heart to my whole heart, I have so much for you. Now in the waiting, and there in the healing.”
But He doesn’t want to heal part of our hearts. He wants total healing for us. And He asks for our whole hearts. One of the most popular verses is Jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans…” we all know it. But if you read just a little bit further verse 13 says “you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” We are so pursued by God but He also asks us to pursue Him. He’s saying “you will find me when you seek me with all your heart. Not just the parts that are polished up or healed or the parts that can boldly sing “it is well.” You will find me when you seek me with the parts that say “are you good? Are you there? Do you love me? Do you see me?” And especially in the tiny parts that whisper “are you real?” That’s where you will find me. I’m in your praises but especially in your questioning and doubt and wandering. That’s where I’m unexpectedly more present than you could ever begin to imagine.”
He just wants us to be honest with Him and bring it all to Him. I’ve had lots to bring over the past two months – joys, pains, struggles, questions, doubts, all the things. He can do so much with our raw honesty. And when we are truly honest with what we believe or the lies that are taking up space in our minds, it gives the Lord room to come and fill us with truth. My encouragement this week would be true honesty with God… no matter how messy you think it is!
Also pray for our team as we go into debrief and travel week and that this last week together is full of His goodness!
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